If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
