My first STD was from a foam party
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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