Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
