I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
