dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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