oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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