I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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