cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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