I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
