Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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