Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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