It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
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i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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