he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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