after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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