why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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