Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
birth control should be required to get into college
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...