Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me