it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You've changed since you got that strap on
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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