Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.