you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
don't judge my taste in strippers
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone