She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.