i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
