i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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