Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
