Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
