Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
