So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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