I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
