Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
