ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I have aggressive nipples.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
