I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
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Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
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Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Let's get the cat blown out
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