You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
