Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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