PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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