I swear she didn't look like that last week.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
