you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
