I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
