If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
