great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
