Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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