He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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