I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
time to smoke my breakfast
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
