Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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