I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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