also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
