Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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