I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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