Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
