I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
