Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be right there i have to get my cape
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize