Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
