Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
