it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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