Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
