I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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