GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
