yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize