Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
