I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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