I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
