right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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