hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
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i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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