If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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