the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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