my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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