dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
