if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I want a musical about memes.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
