I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
