He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
