I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
