He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You took a bar mat shot.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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