i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
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it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
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I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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