So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
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tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
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Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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