i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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