before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
